Dear Nook,

I used to think you were the coolest. Like cooler than Bear Grylls, cool. It was infatuation at its best.

I used to dream about what I would be willing to do to have one of you in my possession. All that stuff they used to do on Fear Factor? Yeah, I would have done that.

Well, maybe not all of that. But some of it.

Maybe.

But you get the point.

(is anybody else glad that show isn't on anymore? Grossfest)

But now that I have you (And all I had to do was ask for you. No eating bugs or jumping into a vat of scorpion urine required.) all you keep doing is FAILING. And failing miserably, at that.

First of all, stop telling me that book is in the wrong format. I bought it from the nook store... online...on the internet you provided. And magazines? They look awesome but every time I try and open my new Parenting Magazine (Wow. That says a lot about me. Shoot.) you randomly turn off.

Not cool, Nook. Not cool.

And now you won't charge unless I'm holding you, standing at a 90 degree angle from the sun, with one foot in the air and my thumbs pointing west...and only if I'm using the the charger for my cell phone.

You're killing me smalls!

So I'm trading you in.

Yeah. You left me no other option. I'm going to get a new "you" and hope that you go to the place where all defective Nook Colors go to die.

Sounds harsh, huh? I guess that is what happens when a book geek depends on you for literature. Book geeks, English majors, literature buffs....we show no mercy.


This is basically all you're good for...